Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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