me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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