I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
