you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
