Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
