it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
