it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
