I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
