four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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