Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
