i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
