Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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