If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
