and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
