the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
