Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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