ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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