i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
