then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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