god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
