It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
how does that bad decision feel?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
