Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
