So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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