When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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