Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
