i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
