he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
