im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize