I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
