She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
