I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
