Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
