I think I died a long time ago.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
