my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
