his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
