Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize