nut hugger
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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