everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
