uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
