Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
