end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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