I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
