What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i believe in u and ur pee
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
