The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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