Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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