i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
