I accidentally had phone sex last night
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
