I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
