If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
