That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
