I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
