im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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