Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
