I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
do nipples grow back?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
