Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
