I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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