you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
