I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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