i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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