Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
