Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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