WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
