4 words: hood of his car
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize