I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
